Spidey Vs Me Vs The Shower Curtain

So I had an interesting morning. How so you ask? THERE WAS A GIANT EFFING SPIDER IN MY SHOWER THATS HOW JERK WAD. I know, I know.. "You're exaggerating on the size..." NO I'M REALLY NOT ASS WIPE! Okay, so I might exaggerate about the size of spiders when I freak out.. pretty much all the time. BUT THIS TIME, Scout's Honor.. it was big.

So let's go ahead and have the rundown. *Que scary music* It started when I turned on the water to let it warm up. I turned my back and started brushing my awesome pearly whites when I saw it out of the corner of my eye.. big.. hairy.. gruesome.. killing machine... my heart started beating as fast as a humming birds wings (great right?)

Seeing as how my roommate was fast asleep and safe in bed, I realized I could not wake her to kill the spider for me.. Pretty sure she would kill me instead of the spider and that would be more gruesome.. I opted to grab my flip flops as soon as I got done with brushing my teeth to kill the zombie spider. When I turned around to assure myself it hadn't moved.. it was GONE. NO WHERE TO BE SEEN GONE- GONE LIKE A FREIGHT TRAIN GONE- GONE LIKE YESTERDAY GONE- (ok im done with country music lyrics). I searched for the beast for a little while and then realized the time. I sucked in a big breath and slowly let it out and stepped into my immanent doom of a shower. I whip the curtain closed and that's when I see it crawling up the shower curtain!!!!! What is this spider? A NINJA!?

I pretty much flew out of the shower.. like Superman. Then it hit me.. I grabbed the shower head and started SOAKING the mother effer AND HE WOULD NOT FALL OFF AND GO DOWN THE DRAIN. So I started shaking the curtain and then he somehow manages to get between the liner and the actual decorative curtain. I told the curtain it was going to have to take one for the team and I flipped it inside the tub and started soaking the whole thing. It kind of looked like a naked rendition of Hokey Pokey with only putting my right hand in and right hand out.. Shake..Soak..Shake..Soak.. Poor shower curtain. The indestructible spider NEVER even flinches!!!!!!!!!! Then I realize I really need to go to work... So I shoved the shower curtain completely against the back and twisted it a bit and took a shower without the curtain. Yup sure did. AND the spider is probably still kicking it alive in the curtain laughing at me in his evil muhahaha laugh.

Spider: 1
Shower Curtain: 0
Me: 0