Demons

The ones with the worst demons are always the ones you want the most.
Their eyes are dark and you know there is trouble festering behind them.
Even if their hands are gentle, you know they have caused harm.

0 to 80- my note to you

Its amazing how one can go 0 to 80 in so quick of time. At least that's how I feel when dealing with you. One day you are amazing and make me feel so special. The next day you can barely spare one word for me. You drive me crazy. Certifiable, bat shit insane. I can't read you. I want to. I want to be able to. But I don't at the same time. It adds to your mystery.

Vacation

15 more days until mini vacation to Montana. I need this. I deserve this.


No, what I really deserve is a 1/2 gallon of fireball and a large amount of angry orchards.

Goals Schmoals

You know what gets you in trouble? Goals. Okay- let me specify.. long term goals. Such a scary word isn't? "Long Term" Longgggg. Something far out from the present time. I think short term goals are better. They are healthy.


My short term goals (18 hours):


1. Finish my work day.
2. Do not think about him.
3. Pick up ice for my morning smoothies.
4. Do not think about him.
5. Make dinner.
6. Stop thinking about him immediately.
7. Finish my labs.
8. Eat frozen blueberries so I do not go for ice cream.
9. Do not think about him.
10. Brush my teeth, floss and mouth wash.
11. Crawl into bed
12. Do not lay in bed and Facebook stalk him.
13. Do not think about him and how you miss him in bed with you.
14. Sleep.
15. Wake up and go to the gym.
16. Get ready for work.
17. Do not wonder if you are doing/did something wrong.
18. Make smoothie and egg whites.
19. Go to work.
20. Do not wonder if you are going to talk today.


Short term goals are so much healthier. You don't get stuck in the future and think about how you would change your whole life direction to make it work. You do not get caught up in fairytales and "what if's". You live in the now, the right now. You don't have to face the disappointment when things do not go your way. You are living for the you in right now.

Elysium..explanationg.. not so much

So there was this book I read once. I can't remember if I liked it, or hated it. I couldn't even tell you the author, title or even one character in the book. Though there was a scene towards the end, if not the end of the book completely. I think, the girl is reading and someone explains "Elysium" to her.


I find this particular part of the book perfect to explain my reasoning of "Elysium" and it kills me that I cannot find it. Seriously, have searched high and low and apparently I read it around the time of 2011. That helps a lot.. not. I have tried googling and now I think I am going to go crazy at work trying to think of it. I remember it was pre-kindle days because I took a picture of the page. But to find the book in a mass of books in totes at home, would be nearly impossible.

Right? Right.

Friends are a funny thing. They come in all shapes and sizes and personalities. You meet someone and you're like, hey! I like you.. Let's do stuff together. 

Some friendships start as a seed and grow into a big solid tree that is rooted deep into your life. They are friends that you can't go without. There are ones that are your family of choice and there are ones you still can't figure out why you keep hanging onto. Ones that consecutively let you down over and over. Why hang onto these ones? Why keep going through the same hardships over and over?

I'd like to say I have great friends. I have best friends that I absolutely can't live without. Although, I also have ones that let me down over and over. It's not healthy and it's time to cut those trees down and dig up the roots. It's not worth it toots! These things are also easier said than done. 

Starting Over..

Sometimes starting over is the only way to clean up the mess.